<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar/1368285939013572653?origin\x3dhttp://strivingtowardsabetterme.blogspot.com', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>
everytime ii wish
to be the best of myself
and finding the REAL me
so that ii can be the REAL person ii am today
Friday, July 13, 2007

how ii wish someone will come and take my life away!!! cause ii really cannot take it anymore in my life. from yesterday onwards ii have become depressed to do many things that can harm myself, things like slashing my wrist and cry everyday. ii will want to do it. it feels like my depression syndrome from last year has come back yesterday. and sorry to say that ii did slash two times on my wrist because ii could barely take it and ii could do nothing. ii cannot believe that my dad would say such things that really make me stumble to have a parent like him. he said things like he don care if ii commit suicide because after they cry cry cry for a few days then bury me then life will be alright for them. he even criticized my friends saying that all of them are bad and will say that my dad is unreasonable which is so not true. and then he even say that if he find out that ii called my friends to seek advice, he will then scold that person as well. ii mean how could a dad in this world say that and look things into this way. you know how much it really sadden me. and ii would rather my dad to disown me than to say such things. ii seriously feel like ii should not have been born in this world. ii know my own school's system, ii have set my goals and even before my dad receive that letter, ii have already received an email on the same thing and ii already know what to do. and if ii were to fail that module now, ii have to just do only that module in addition to the other modules that ii have next year that's all. why would my dad not listen to what ii have to say and scold me like ii don know everything. ii really don mind he scold me but what ii mind is that he criticized my friends and even like bring jonliew into the whole thing. like what has jonliew got to do with my problem. because of that ii have been doubting my own religion and ii really ponder whether ii do have a relationship with God in the first place. so ii have decided to stop church, never to attend cell and any service because even in going to church, ii have been constricted so badly that ii don see anything in going to church anymore. imagine a christian dad to say that you can only attend services where seriously my spiritual level will never grow and not going for cell and serve in other ministry that can help in growing my spiritual life. in the first place ii really think why would ii have such a dad. time and again he has been threatening to kick me out of the house, disowning me and stop me from serving in ministry and not even going for rage berry jam. what in the world is this. ii have enough of crying last night and ii feel that ii will be crying for the next few days, weeks, months, ii really not sure. and ii have really decided to totally stop church because ii see no meaning in going to church already, having to know that ii have seen no meaning in it.

Labels:




theREALme!

9:47 AM